Volume XIX-Mai-XXMM

I know I’m not alone. And I know who gets this email… we are all a bunch of GIVERS – guilty as charged!  😊 And for a lot of us, “receiving” is really really hard. (Hand in air, Peeps… hand in air.) Brené totally outed me on Facebook tonight. I know she was talking to me. And you.

Simply “asking” could be magic in work teams I led that were very strong. I remember clearly one of my early experiences leading a large multi-national team and being vulnerable enough (of course I’m channeling a little Brené right now) to realize I was in way over my head… I spoke no Hindi, nor Mandarin. I couldn’t troubleshoot a memory leak if my life depended on it. I had no choice but to ASK the teams to save us… and those teams blossomed. And we had fun. The more I asked, the more excited they were to give. The more they gave, the more we built and were recognized for it. It was an infinite loop of “gimme more, watch me grow”. After that “accidental” experience, I made it more of a point in my leadership roles to be conscious of ASKING people to help and the results were always consistent – trust, empowerment, buy-in, engagement, belonging. That’s not to say I’m the best at it – when I’m in crisis, professionally, my go-to behavior is not “vulnerability” (I’m very much a WIP) – but by and large I really do try to actively find ways for people to GIVE… and when they do, it’s magic.

So common sense tells me that people are the same in our non-work lives – when asked to help, when trusted to deliver… we are showing an open heart and that empowerment is both an opportunity and a gift. But I see something a little more in Brené’s Facebook post, for you language aficionados out there… I believe her words – need, ask, and receive – are each intended to be “active” words. That’s key, read it again… 

Need → Ask → Receive (in Brené-speak) are meant to convey an active path for how we have to engage to truly truly truly be “Giving” with an open heart. I can’t find the right words and it’s late… and I’ve spent an hour on this and I don’t want to go to bed without getting it done. I’m not sure sleeping on it will produce better results, either. The point is so obscure… or perhaps I’ve just been “sheltering for wellness” a bit too long. But goodness, she’s right! (Again.)  Well, that was a tired rant!

Doing all the giving is just plain selfish. If it’s work or church or your book club… or your three sisters who act like they can’t sometimes coordinate your family Zoom calls… or your teenagers who don’t have to do anything to pull their part because you do it all. We put so much of our value into being the givers that we don’t let anybody else enjoy the thrill of it… Just ask my best friend. I had to practically wrestle her to the ground (by phone from 2,000 miles away) to coordinate some things for her son’s 18th birthday. If the tables were turned, it would’ve been the same with me – we can’t help ourselves. GIVE-ing people the space to DO for us… is a gift we’re denying people and it costs them and us. Wow. (Oh, I am sorry for all this preachin’… but I’ve got the spirit of Brené in me! That, and probably had my coffee a little too late this afternoon!)

The time for your (r)Evolution is now. Need → Ask → Receive. 💕